P.E.T.s can dramatically improve your well-being

I recently finished listening to the audio version of Rhonda Byrne’s (author of The Secret) new book The Power. This book completely resonated with me, and there are many valuable lessons within it. One of the takeaways from the book jumped out at me starting right away in the introduction where she stated: “your relationships with your family and friends are meant to be filled with happiness.” From my own personal experience many of the relationships in my life – whether it be my children, wife, family members, friends, co-workers, clients, business partners, service providers, etc. can sometimes appear to be challenging or difficult.

One of the many principles Rhonda offered as a solution for “taking the sting out of confrontational or difficult relationships” is to imagine all the people in your life as Personal Emotion Trainers also know as P.E.T.s. The people that serve as P.E.T.s in our lives challenge us much in the same way as Personal Fitness Trainers do. Instead of training your physical muscles, they train your emotional muscles. According to Rhonda there are two types of P.E.T.s: Hard and soft. Soft P.E.T.s don’t push you very hard and are very easy to love. While hard P.E.T.s push you to your limits. Just like the physical personal trainers, the Hard P.E.T.s make you stronger!

Personal Emotional Trainers


Loss, grief, and accepting change to heal and move on

We grieve over all losses whether we are aware of it or not. Any change in circumstances can initiate this process. Why? Because with each loss we feel something has been taken away from us internally. A void develops where that attachment has been ripped away. It is an emotional tear that makes us desperate to recover it and sad when we can’t. We feel diminished somehow by no longer having that person, place, or thing in our lives.

I looked everywhere I thought I may have placed it. I was desperate to find it. “What could I have done with that ankle bracelet,” I asked myself half expecting to hear me say, “You put the ankle-let in the top drawer of the nightstand next to your bed.” This wasn’t like me. I don’t throw things away … so, where was my ankle bracelet?

Grief happens when things change or when we lose something or someone who we care about. It matters not whether the object of our affection is animate or inanimate, we grieve over that loss. Be it a dollar or a dime, change in our situations and/or circumstances, a dismantled relationship or the loss we experience when a loved one transitions from this world to the next, the grieving process will be the same.

This process is called the 5 Stages of Grief, acknowledged by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying or the 5 phases of Managing Change, like the loss of my favorite ankle bracelet.


      1) Denial: What’s the first thing you do? You try to find the lost object. You tear up the place to locate the comb, the brush, or the penny that rolled under the sofa. In my case, it was the ankle.
      2) Anger: “Where did I put the dang gone thing? I should have taken it off before I went for that run, dang it!”
      3) Bargaining:“Please God, just let it be somewhere in the house. I promise I’ll never wear it outside again.” Yeah right!
      4) Depression: “O-mi-god, what am I going to do now? Oh man, my ankle looks naked.”
      5) Acceptance “Enough,” I said. “Get over this and move on. You can’t change what happened.” I had accepted the reality of my loss, experienced the pain, adjusted to my ankle without the bracelet, and reinvested in a new one.

We don’t have to go through the five stages in sequence. But we must go through them to heal and become whole again.

A story of moving beyond stuck

We are not defined by who we are, but by who we are becoming

Everything that has personal, professional, and spiritual meaning for me today began with a choice to do something different. Albuquerque, New Mexico was my Turning Point…

Up until that time, one of my favorite quotes used to be: “When you are stuck, throw a hand grenade, close your eyes, and JUMP!” Why was this one of my favorite quotes? Because I felt as if that was the only way I could move when I was stuck with no perceivable way out. You could say it was a “leap of faith,” but it wasn’t. It was more like a stab in the dark and my way of “busting loose.” However, that approach was not the best way to handle what I thought were insurmountable circumstances. When I jumped with my eyes closed I never knew where I would land. I often found that I had exchanged the skillet for the frying pan.

My dream job as a Hospice Nurse turned into a not so beautiful nightmare when downsizing reordered my life and I found myself without a job and receiving unemployment … When I received the notice from the state informing me that my benefits were nearly depleted, reality hit me like a brick. I had to get a job — and with a quickness. I was back to being placed through home health agencies, something I had done earlier in my nursing career. “Oh boy”, I sighed. I remembered why I traded the hospital setting for home health — too much drama! I had now traded the skillet for the frying pan. And I’m looking at a request from the city to vacate the premises. Where is that hand grenade? Life sucked.

There are times in life when you need something to help you navigate through and around rough waters until you are able to float your own boat, like how I dealt with the dismantling of a dream and my identity. I had defined myself by what I had become: a Hospice Nurse. I had attached my personal power to a position. And I did not know if I could be anything else. I felt powerless.

I needed to do something different. However, knowing that I needed to do something different was not enough; I had to want to do something different. I had to become sick and tired of being “sick and tired.” I had to become teachable. I had to stop running away from myself; and run towards ME. So, in July of 1993, I relocated to Albuquerque, New Mexico with my family, and I moved from Hospice Nurse to Life Coach.

Truth: We will not live up to our potential until we give ourselves permission to move beyond the words; to live boldly and to take measured risks.

Here are some pointers I have personally found helpful in motivating myself:

Take Charge of your Destiny

Live for the Journey, not the Destination

One of my major intentions for 2011 is to launch a visualization blog to inspire and connect with a tribe of like-minded people who share a passion for discovering their personal calling. Today marks the birth of that intention and I hope that you will join me and my fellow tribe members in our attempts to make a collective dent in the universe. I began this journey two years ago. Along the way I’ve had diverse experiences and connected with several people who have inspired me to create my own personal GeniusMap (below) to guide me on my path to infinite potential. This map will serve as the framework for future blog posts on various topics from the Spiritual, Mental, Emotional and Physical pillars.

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